Haven't written in my blog in SOO long!

Hey there,

I need some serious help LOL I am just too depressed for life right now. Nothing goes right ever. and im not even exaggerating one bit.

First of all, DONT FUCKING CALL ME A WHORE FOR MY PAST BECAUSE CLEARLY IM NOT FUCKING PROUD OF IT. I CANT GO BACK IN TIME AND CHANGE THINGS. BUT I CAN MOST DEFINETLY CHANGE AND CONTROL WHAT I DO IN THE FUTURE. FOR YOU TO MAKE UP SHIT ABOUT ME IS PRETTY LOW, BECAUSE WHAT YOU CLAIM I DID TO YOU, IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID TO ME! YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON ME! AND IM GETTING THIS MAD BECAUSE I DONT APPRECIATE BEING CALLED A WHORE FOR LITERALLY NO REASON, AND BEING ACCUSED OF CHEATING. WHEN YOU DAMN WELL I NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT ANOTHER GUY WHILE I WAS WITH YOU!!! UNLIKE YOU WHO TALKED TO GIRLS BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK. YOU PIECE OF SHIT! AND THE SADDEST PART OF ALL THIS, IS THAT I STILL FUCKING LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART EVEN AFTER ALL THIS SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH. I MUST BE FUCKING CRAZY.

ok thats one part of my ramp page.

Secondly, YOU ARE THE MOST FUCKING CONFUSING HUMAN BEING IN THIS WORLD. I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR COMING OR GOING. ONE DAY YOU'RE ALL :):):) AND THE NEXT YOU'RE A FUCKING MUTE. I DONT EXACTLY KNOW WHY I WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU. OOHHHH MAYBE BECAUSE YOURE THE FIRST PERSON IVE LIKED SINCE MY 6TH MONTH DEPRESSION OVER A FUCKING IDIOT.. WHICH YOURE PROVING TO ME RIGHT NOW THAT YOU MEN ARE ALL THE FUCKING SAME. ANYWAYS, I CANT GET MAD AT YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL. AND I DONT PLAN ON TELLING YOU ANYTIME SOON. SO FUCK MY LIFE FOR THIS. LMFAO


ok thats part 2.
Thirdly, THE FUCKING SHIT I DO FOR. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. IVE HAD YOUR BACK, IVE BEEN BEHIND YOU 150% SINCE DAY ONE. THIS IS THE THANKS I GET!?!?!?!? YOURE EXTREMELY UNAPPRECIATIVE. MAYBE SOMETIMES I CAN GET OUT OF HAND AND ANNOY YOU. BUT DONT YOU SEE ITS BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. AND IF I EVER LOST YOU I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO. BUT BY YOU DOING THIS TO ME, AND PUSHING ME AWAY IS ONLY MAKING ME WANT TO DRIFT FROM YOU. IM ONLY LIKE THIS BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOU. IVE CONFRONTED YOU ABOUT THIS ISSUE. BUT YOU JUST BRUSH IT OFF LIKE ITS NOTHING. SO IF THIS IS "NOTHING" TO YOU, HAVE FUN WITH YOUR OTHER SOMETHINGS.. BECAUSE THOSE SOMETHINGS WILL NEVER CARE ABOUT YOU LIKE THIS "NOTHING".



ok hopefully that made enough sense.

GOODBYE.

This past weekend/ This upcoming week!

Hey there! I haven't written a real blog in a few days so I figured that because I have a lot of time on my hands now I can properly write a blog.


This past weekend was actually really fun, from what I remember LOL

Friday me and a few girls chilled out and drank- no big.
Saturday night was Jasmine's 18th birthday at Reign Nightclub. It was honestly really good, and I'm not just saying this because I was intoxicated, but the music was really good and I had a really awesome time. I met lots of people, men specifically, who of course bought me drinks which topped off my drunkness LOL. Overall, it was a great night.

Sunday was alright, it was basically recovery day for my liver. I had a bit of a hangover but recovered well by mid-afternoon and was ready to go for another round. Unfortunately that didn't happen as I spent the night at my aunts.

Monday was thanksgiving. I ate 2 turkeys and nearly died. Not to mention the amount of desserts I had- definitely going to have to hit up the gym soontimes! LOL Nothing special happened yesterday. Just chilled with the family, and ofcourse my main girl Nikki :)

Speaking of Nikki, her birthdays coming up on Friday. She is also going to be 18. Every year I do something big for her. This year I want to go fully over the top. Surprises and all! It's already tuesday which means I have approximately 4 days to figure out what I am going to do for her!
If you have any ideas please share! It'll make my life so much easier LOL

...I finally have a job interview! At Fruits & Passion at Vaughan Mills. I'm praying I get this job because I am severely broke and I can't keep asking my parents for money at the age of 18, hoping that they will just hand it over! I need to get myself a job ASAP!

I have nothing more to say, today is a really cold and "bleh" day..just a regular day like any other..After this I am off to English where I must hand in an essay. I'm hoping we're not doing anything in that class today because to be completely honest, I want to sleep LOL

Ciao for now! :)

Leah xoxo

Goodbye...

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared?
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regret

Nothing lasts forever though you want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Oh don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there’ll be things
We’ll wish we’d never said
In a year from now
Maybe we’ll see eachother,
standing on the same street corner,
no regrets

Sometimes goodbye
‘though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny
sometimes goodbye
though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it’s the hardest thing to say
I’ll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
Oh don’t you cry
‘cause true love never dies

Another Horoscope for October 10, 2009

The Ace of Chalices card reversed suggests that if your heart isn't in it, then you should get off the emotional roller coaster. If your heart is in it, pour out your feelings to the one you love before it's too late. Crying over spilt milk, taking things too personally, turning your back on potential romance or commitment or drowning sorrows may be excuses for avoiding a confrontation with the stranger in the mirror. Loneliness born of fear or damaged self-esteem may lay hidden beneath a calm exterior. Learn to depend upon yourself for fulfillment, attention, interest and consideration. The satisfaction gleaned from others' approval is temporary and superficial. Work toward wholeness and happiness by being willing to expand your own expectations. Embrace the commitment and sacrifice necessary to cross your own emotional boundaries.

My Love Tarot For October 9, 2009

The Ace of Wands card reversed suggests that initial attraction and passion may be nothing more than an aimless tease or escape. It's no wonder it seems attractive at first, but the staying power may not be there, no matter how much you try to make it so. While a lack of spontaneity or innovation could make your love life seem obligatory rather than liberating and exciting, that's no reason to jump at a tiny spark that may not have the potential to become a real fire. Enjoy the feeling for what it is without trying to elicit promises that may fall through or be disappointing.

Don't know what that means yet. Maybe it'll make sense soon LOL

Leah xoxo
Ps. Crappy day thanks to this crappy weather

Too Hot To Handle..

Hey everyone. Ok so I have a confession to make. I absolutely, positively, surely, no doubt about it have a secret crush on one of the hottest guys in school. Well atleast I think so. LOL. I'm not mentioning names because those who read this will probably just blab to everyone, and once it gets out, it'll eventually lead to him and then nothing good will come from it but embaressment. So he is remaining anonymous. SOOOOOO yeah. Love him. He is on firrreeee. Literally. Everytime I see him, I get nervous, my hands get clamy, I can't function, I lose control, and my spine starts to hurt. It's really weird. I'm not usually like this. Even when I do have crushes on guys..I don't plan on telling him clearly because that'll just make it awkward LOL He really is too hot to handle!!!!!

So for now, this remains as a little crush, that will remain COMPLETELY anonymous!

leah xoxo


Ps. I'm in the library and I have an assignment to do for law.. I don't really understand the question maybe you can help me out?

"Reflect on the kind of ethical dilemmas that societies face and how they relate to law"

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

I am Such a Horrible Friend

Okay so today is my friend Jasmine's birthday, and me and my friend Natalie have this whole suprise in store for her tonight... Neither of us said Happy Birthday to her today PURPOSELY! I feel so bad. Also right now i'm BBMing her like normal and talking about totally different things and I can tell by her attitude that she is SUPER PISSED. AHAHAH I feel so bad, I just hope she isn't too mad still after seeing her suprise we worked hard on:)

Anyways gotta go now decorate her entire house haha
LOVE YOU JAZZY PHAE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!
PS. DONT BE MAD, WE DIDNT FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY:)
OCTOBER 7TH IS A VERY IMPORTANT DAY TO US, A DAY WHICH CANNOT BE FORGOTTEN EVER<3

So Cold..

Alright so I'm in the library because it is wayyyy too damn cold outside. it's friken Alaska weather! So I'm super bored and i'm just waiting for the bell to ring to go to English. Today was such a crappy day. I woke up late, went to school late, missed half of my law class, and on top that I am really tired.

I don't even know what to write anymore. My hands are soooo numb from being outside LOL
Sooooo New years 2010 might be spent in Florida with a few of my girls. MAYBE. Hopefully everything works out because I could seriously use a vacation from all the stupid stuff here. As long as I get away from here for New Years i'll be fine. I can't spend New Years here, I seriously cannot. It would be sooo fun though, a whole condo to 5 girls for a week or 10 days. That'd be so sick! Endless partying, and to be honest I could care less about meeting guys down there. I'm getting away for myself to just chill with the girls. So basically endless partying with my girls ONLY! Omg i'm getting too ahead of myself right now. I'm keeping my fingers corssed because I reallly need to go! badly

Ok the bell just rang, BYEEEEE

leah xoxo

Stupid Girl

STUPID girl, you let him in.

STUPID girl, you fell for him.

STUPID girl, he left you broken.

Now you sit here cying about his last words spoken.

STUPID choice, giving him your heart.

You should have known he'd crush it from the start.

You gave him your all, what a STUPID mistake.

STUPID girl, his lies where so fake.

STUPID girl, you fell too fast.

You're just another STUPID girl in his past.

Now you think about him all the time.

There's nothing you can do to get him off your mind.

Now your walls crumble and the lights start to dim.

Because now you're just a STUPID girl who thinks you need him.

He doesn't know what he means to you.

You were just another STUPID girl he lied to.

Now you cry because you fell for.

An ass hole you'll love forever more.

You STUPID girl, stop with the tears! you lay here broken filled with fears.

STUPID girl get back on your feet!

You're the most pathetic girl he'll ever meet.

STUPID girl he's a piece of shit.

And you let him tear you apart bit by bit.

STUPID girl, now you yell at the mirror.

At the girl who stares back cause you can't stand to be her

What is Going Through my Mind Right Now

Today was a busy day, kind of.. Today at my highschool it was "walk-a-thon" -a pointless walk around Woodbridge with the school. I didn't go because clearly I'm not going to go and take a nice stroll with little children LOL. So today I went to York University with my girl Nikki. It was pretty fun. If I had to choose, I would skip school everyday to come to York. Unfortunately, I can't though. I really like university life. You meet so many people and explore a totally different life. You begin to gain a new perspective on life (in my opinion) and you get to experience different things. Most of the people I have met so far, within the 2 times that I have gone to York, are super nice. Really down to earth people. I like the fact that I'm not just meeting little Woodbridge people, and I'm encountering different people from across like all the GTA. I love how there's no popularity levels in university. You don't need to worry about fitting in or about what people think of you. You're there for you, and noone else! I have met a few people, one in which is realllly cute:). Not mentioning any names, but he is quite the looker and he's super nice. I don't "like him, like him" but I could see some potential of hanging out with him (hopefully). Funny thing though, he isn't even a York student. He goes to York with his friend, just like I do with Nikki LOL.

My family is currently getting on my last nerve and I'm going freak out. Seriously. It's either that everyone takes my brothers side, OR nothing I do is good enough for my family.


I'm still miserable. Very. But I try not to think of it (him). But I just can't help it. I always wonder what he's doing at this moment, what he's been up to and stuff. I've been told to show him my previous posts about him, but realisticly I can't. He has someone, he's happy, if I tell him how I feel it won't do anything. From that I am told to just move on. But it is soo much easier said than done. Ok I'm trying not to think of it but IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD. I'm completely miserable. I mean, yeah I have good things going on for me now, like school and what my plan is next year, but I still have that one thing on my mind.


Anyways, I'm going for a walk, get things off my mind... just walk it off LOL
:(

What To Do..

Alright soooo today I pretty much cleaned all day, and i am exhausted. I cleaned the house top to bottom only to have my mother come home and complain that the house isn't completely clean. WTF? I vacumed all 3 floors, I washed all the floors, I dusted, I cleaned my room, I cleaned the bathrooms, I did laundry, I organized everything that was out of place, I took out the garbage...WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? Then to top it all off, my younger brother comes home only to make a mess of the perfectly cleaned house. I worked my ass off today and got no credit whatsoever for it. It drives me crazy! This is how it is in this house all the time and it's starting to get on my last nerve. People tell me "Leah just stop cleaning and the problems will go away!" But what they don't understand is that I do not like to see a mess. If I don't clean it wouldn't matter, I would just get in trouble anyways. I like to keep things clean. I am a huge fan of cleanliness! I think I have some sort of OCD.. LOL everything has to be in a certain order and done a certain way. As soon as I see something basically destroy my idea of being clean I snap. I hate to not be credited for the cleaning I do because as a matter of fact, I do most of the cleaning in my house. My mother works 2 jobs and comes home at around 5:30 or 6 at night, and my brother comes home from school at around 4:00 in the afternoon. I try to balance my schooling, and cleaning. After school I go straight home and start dinner, my homework, and cleaning. I'm just sick and tired of not getting credit for something I really do. It's driving me crazy, literally. It's gotten to the point where if I see a crumb on the floor, I will freak out. It's horrible, and I don't mean to be like this but I just love things being clean. People may think I'm crazy or weird but I don't care. When it comes to keeping things clean and in place I am the one who does it all!

The Next Morning.

So last night after finishing off my previous post "The First Heartbreak," I went to bed feeling a little better that I had gotten something off my chest. However this morning I woke up feeling like crap still. I think I've become more depressed than ever. I miss him. I love him. And I want him.

I woke up at 11:30 a.m. (too late to go to school) due to my hardwork and effort put into my previous blog.

I really don't know what to do. I just can't seem to get him out of my head. I don't understand why this all happened. The break up, the heartbreak, he moved on, and i'm still here. I'm sorry but I will take the credit for being the girl that could actually put up with his crap. I know for a fact his new girlfriend will not last with all his stupidity. He may supposedly "love" her now, but wait a few months down the road he's going to do to her what he did to me.

It bothers me sooooo bad that I can't do anything about this. I mean all I really can do is move on but even when I try to be positive about moving on, he and all those memories are still in the back of my mind and I can't seem to erase them.

I believe the hardest part of this breakup, personally for me, would be saying goodbye to his family. They were such nice people. I looked at his parents like my second set of parents, and his sisters I looked up to as the sisters I never had. I mean how could a family that nice possibly have a son to be completely opposite of them? I know there's good in Angelo, I really do, but I don't understand why he struggles to show it.

If he only knew that I was the one... I'm not trying to make this a pity-post but I know for a fact that I am the one who can make him happy. Okay, maybe not with my previous actions which set him off, but I know I can. I was the one willing to try one more time because I wanted it badly to work. Those other girls don't understand him like I do. He told me the worst secrets about him and being a good person I've kept them a secret because he made me promise, and I am not one to break a promise no matter what happens. I understand him completely. Everything he feels I completely understand. I love him to the point where I want him to be happy, I care about everything he does. He's in school now, going for mechanics, and to be honest I'm happy for him. He's going to make something of himself which will definitely benefit him in the future.

We've been through so much to stop now. We've overcome stupid fights, we've overcome people who have tried to come between us, we overcame a friken car accident!!! I'm pretty sure we can overcome this stage were in. All it takes is a bit of effort.

But I'm not going to sit here and complain, first I must take care and love myself before anybody can. Right now I'm in a bit of a slump, but I will make it through because I'm Leah and I am a strong person, and if I put my mind to it, life can come so easy for me. I just need to keep trying. I believe that this all happened for a reason. Who knows maybe this happened to get myself back on track, go to school, and experience life. After all that is said and done, maybe who knows we'll meet again one day and something may happen..Who knows...

Anyways that's all I had to say. Stay tuned for more posts by me LEAH :)

The First Heartbreak

This is something that has been bothering me for about 6 months now...I think the title speaks for itself, but ofcourse I will go into depth.

So it all started about 10 months ago, I met this guy. We started out as just friends, little did he know that I had a little crush on him. To me it wasn't a big deal because in the past I used to like guys on and off. So to me this was just a little crush. I didn't think he felt the same way and I didn't want to.

So me and this guy were talking, he used to tell me very personal things, problems with his current/ex girlfriend, and basically asked me for advice which I did not hesitate to give, because he was my good friend.

One night me and my friends happened to bump into him and a few of his buddies at a local Tim Hortons. At this point, he was single. But I didn't think anything of it. So the night went on, we hung out, all of us together. Cruising around Woodbridge with an unknown destination. We had a good time, and at the time I remember him admitting to liking one of my close friends (which ofcourse is sort of a buzz kill because I did like him, but i was very secretive about it. I never told anyone) So that night ended with my close friend Natalie saying the exact words "You guys are sooo cute, he sooooooo like you!" and ofcourse me being the one in denial replying with a typical "Yeah ok Nat, he likes someone else." Little did I know what was going to happen in a few months..

From that night on we talked, I wasn't sure of his feelings for me because one night he asked me for advice on how to ask an older woman out. And ofcourse that crushed me! But then again, I wasn't falling head over heals for him yet, so it didn't hurt that bad.

So a few months later, I was at a club with a few of my friends. Ofcourse I had a little too much to drink, and i'm pretty sure everyone is familiar with the quote "drunken words are sober thoughts." We were text messaging eachother that night and I basically sent him a text saying "I LOVE YOU." After that night our feelings were both revealed. It turns out he had liked me, but it was a sort of on & off crush.

We hung out all the time, I would sneak out at late hours with him for a coffee, he would come pick me up at school, and all that stuff. The only problem was that he had a girlfriend still... Now i'm not one to homewreck anyone's relationship because I know I wouldn't like it if some girl did that to my relationship. So I made him choose. He had claimed that he didn't really like the girl and he was dating her out of pity- poor girl. Anyways a few days later they had a mutual break up, which left no hard feelings.

It was in the middle of December when he and I had shared our first kiss. It was a snowy day, and he had just brought me home from the mall. He walked me to my doorstep, his arms wrapped around my waist. I sort of knew what was going to happen at the moment, but for some reason I wasn't too excited. No butterflies, nothing. He then turned me around, looked into my eyes, and leaned forward. Our lips touched- but nothing more. He turned around and walked back to his car. I walked through the door in disgust, the kiss didn't really do much for me. I had no emotion whatsoever. I'm guessing it's because I hadn't fallen completely in love with him yet.

After that day we would basically see eachother almost everyday. We would grab a coffee and go park the car in a secluded area. At some points it did get a little steamy. A few hot-steamy make outs here and there, and long talks about literally nothing. I felt myself falling more and more for him everyday. I was scared but I thought, well because me and him could open up so easily and understand eachothers problems- I felt that it was okay to fall knowing he would catch me.

Much sooner, he met my family. As a friend ofcourse. My dad liked him. Suprisingly they had a lot in common, which is hard to believe because my dad is super hard to please, and I am daddies little girl so it's pretty awesome that a guy who I would potentially date could get along with my father that well. My mother gets along with everyone so she liked him as well. My brother loved him. My brother considered him "a brother he never had." I also met his family.. ofcourse as a friend. They were nice. I went to school with his sisters, so they knew me already. This guy was a triplet. 2 sisters and him. That family welcomed me like I was one of them and I felt really good about that. I was accepted. For the record, his name was Angelo.

Me and Angelo used to go out all the time. We used to go skating- although I didn't know how to skate which I was super embaressed about. But ofcourse, like any man would do, he tried to teach my how to skate. We spent a lot of time together, not to mention the long hours on the phone.

There was a lot of problems with his ex girlfriend who just happened to be in my grade and in my history class, who wasn't too fond of me being with Angelo. So there was a lot of conflict between me and her, and slowly me and Angelo worked past that.

I'll never forget January 30, 2009. That was the best night of my life. I decided to cook Angelo dinner. My father and brother had gone to a hockey tournament that weekend, and my mother had a friends birthday party. So I had the house to myself. I decided to make dinner for both me and Angelo. I went all out. I had my girls helping me all day. I had been planning this for about 3 weeks. From what I was going to serve as an appetizer down to where the cutlery goes beside the plates. I made literally a 7 course meal. For dessert, I made his favourite- blueberry cheesecake. The colour theme was red, white, and black. I had candles and a red rose on the table. It really was cute. So the night was finally here, the door bell rings and I open the door to see Angelo with a bunch of red roses in his hands. My heart nearly sank, I believe I was starting to fall in love with him. We ate, he loved the food, and the night went great. We went and lyed down on my bed. Nothing happened really, he decided to give me a massage. On my back he traced the words "Will you be my girlfriend." I'm not so bright so I had asked him to re-trace the words on my back atleast 6 times! When I finally got the message I looked up at him and responded with an immediate "yes." I was melting inside. About 30 emotions ran through my body and mind at once. I was happy, nervous, estatic, breathless, I couldn't even feel my legs.
At the end of the night, he left me with the biggest smile on my face and I can't even explain the amount of happiness and love I felt. The same night, at about 1:30 a.m. I called my mother screaming with happiness "He asked me out! He asked me out! We're dating mom!" She was happy for me.

After that night we spent almost every waking hour together. I was in love. I fell more and more in love everyday. I had actually fallen for him.

About 2 weeks in, we were at a party and his ex girlfriend was there. Little did I know that they were still talking and going for coffee behind my back. When I found out. I nearly lost my mind. I never usually snap on men, because it is a waste of time for me, but at this point I was so hurt, so enraged, and so sad that I blew up. He blew up and constantly appologized and regretted it. He cried to me saying he was sorry and just went crazy basically. That night I was so mad and hurt I didn't want to talk to him and just wanted to go home, which I did. That night I refused to answer his phone calls, text messages, etc. I went straight to bed. The next morning I found out that his father was coming over to fix my garage door. This was the day our parents met. Ofcourse Angelo came by to talk to me. So me and him went for coffee. He cried some more, and so did I. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me to just walk away. I wanted to be with him so bad, but he had hurt me so bad. I was caught between my heart and what the right thing was to do. I took him back only on the account for him to never speak to her again or pull a stunt like this ever again, which he had sworn to accomplish. From this point on my friends had completely lost respect for him, and began to hate him. So imagine what kind of a tie I was caught in. I love my friends but I love him. It was hard to have him around with my friends, when my girls did not like him one bit.

February 14th came around. One of the holidays I hate the most because I never have someone to spend this day with. This year was different I was going to spend it with Angelo. BUT there is a twist, it was my cousins 40th birthday. Which meant, Angelo was going to meet the family. He did, it went well they liked him a lot. That night after the birthday, we went out for valentines day. We went to a secluded romantic spot. It was under an arbor in the middle of Woodbridge. We had sparkling juice because ofcourse we weren't of age and also Angelo was the designated driver. So we shared the juice with 2 champagne glasses. I got him a giant heart shaped chocolate chip cookie that said "I love you" in pink icing. I wrote him a letter and he wrote me one along with a singing teddy bear and a box of chocolates. It was really cute. I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me. I was completely and totally in love with him.

Our birthdays are a day apart, so Angelo was born on February 26 and my birthday is February 27th. We spent our birthdays together at eachothers house. I got angelo a white-silver chain bracelet and ring, and he got me a white-gold bracelet with little ball charms.

We used to talk about getting married. We said that if we lasted 5-6 years we would get engaged and get married. It was a little plan that we wanted to work towards.

Towards the last week of February, the week of our birthdays we got into a car accident. Thank God we were ok, but unfortunately Angelo's Ford F150 wasn't in great condition. We survived through the worst, and if anything it made us stronger. That night still replays in my mind. The noise of the crash, and his insane screaming and freaking because of the accident. I remember everything from that night. The doors were caved in and Angelo having a sprained wrist, broke my door open for me, grabbed me out of the truck and held me tight. I was bawling my eyes out, I was going more crazy than he was. That night our mothers took us to the hospital together to make sure everything was okay. And thank God we were just fine. From that accident my love grew even stronger for him. I mean, we survived a car crash. We overcame a severe obstacle in our path and because of this I knew he was the one.

Now you're probably thinking what went wrong?

Well, Angelo didn't like the idea of me drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana. I did drink, at parties though. He didn't like me drinking because one of his family members had complications because of alcohol which scared him. I do have a confession though. I used to smoke behind his back and hide it from him. I really don't know why I did this. but I did, and I truly regret it to this day. He also didn't like the fact that I wanted to go out with my friends all the time only because he thought most of them were bad influences on me and brought bad onto me such as drinking and smoking. We got into a lot of fights because of this.

At one point, I went on vacation for march break with my school to Greece, Italy, and France for 10 days. It was the hardest time for both of us. We hadn't spend much time apart since we started dating and 10 days felt like forever. I missed him dearly and so did he. When I got back everything was back to normal and again we spent almost every waking moment together. I loved him.

About 2 months later, prom was around the corner. The week before prom we went on a break which lasted about 18 hours. We were going to try really hard to make this work. He lied, I lied and that is what lead us to our fights. A bit before prom I heard rumors going around that Angelo was going to leave me after prom. I confronted him about this and he assured me that it wasn't true and that he loved me. I believed that. After prom I happened to see a text message from this girl Josie in his phone. He had texted her saying "My girlfriend is going away for tonight ( I was going to my prom after party and he wasnt coming), I'm so happy, do you want to chill?" When I saw this I nearly had a heartattack. I kicked him out of my house and told him to never talk to me again. The next day was my brothers confirmation, and guess who shows up at my door step in a suit ready to go? Angelo, ofcourse. He stood there appologizing again. And again I forgave him. That day he finally made up his mind of what he wanted and he claimed he wanted "me." So once again I believed him.

A few months later we broke up, he said he had lost feelings and that a month break will help to retrieve these feelings so we could be together. Little did I know, he had feelings for this Josie girl. I was crushed. I was heartbroken. I lost the love of my life. My first love. I had lost him. That night I did the worst I could have ever done. I called up my girls for help and I drank, and I smoked. He found out the next day from someone and got even more mad. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I did with that issue and to be honest I don't even know why I did this.

Bottom line; Now he is dating this girl Josie, and I miss him more than ever. I love him more than anything in this world. Everyday I wake up and every night i go to bed, he is the one thing on my mind. He was my first and I was hoping he would be my last. To this day I think about him and everything we had together. Even though he burned me, I can't seem to hate him. I want to be with him and if I could I would just run to him and tell him how I still feel and have him come back. But lets face it, if he's happy with this girl I guess I need to be happy for him. In my heart I have this feeling we will get back together. And to be honest, this is what I want. I want to just get up on my rooftop and scream how much I love him. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Angelo. I truly love him and one day when we meet again, I hope our love will be restored.


xoxo
Leah

Introduction to my blog

Hi there everyone. I'm Leah. I'm 18 years old and from Toronto, Ontario. I don't have much to say because most of my thoughts or ideas will be going into my blogs. I decided to join "blogspot" because instead of venting to myself all day long, or even wanting to share some good news, I figured I should just get it out in the open. If people have any advice or tips or just want to comment along, by all means- be my guest. I joined this website for myself. To just let all of my emotions run wild, not caring about what anybody has to say about how I feel.

I am genuinely a very happy person, most of the time. I think i'm overall a pretty good person. I let my mind wander. I am pretty random. If I have a question or a comment, I am not afraid to share what I have to say.

I absolutely love my friends and my family. They mean the world to me. On my spare time, I just like to chill out basically. I do like to party but up to a certain extent.

I am currently in highschool, upgrading my marks to go to university next year. I plan on getting into some sort of a psychology class, it seems interesting. Either that, or something that deals with public relations. I really would like to travel around the world. There's so much stuff I still have yet to see. I've already travelled to Italy, France, Greece, a bit through the states, across Canada.. but my next dream vacation would be to go to China or Austrailia. It's something I will accomplish oneday.. maybe sooner than I think.

Overall, you can basically say i'm your typical teenage girl..yknow..still in school, dreams big, has an ideal game plan for her career in the future...but ofcourse there's always a few bumps in the road before she gets there!