The First Heartbreak

This is something that has been bothering me for about 6 months now...I think the title speaks for itself, but ofcourse I will go into depth.

So it all started about 10 months ago, I met this guy. We started out as just friends, little did he know that I had a little crush on him. To me it wasn't a big deal because in the past I used to like guys on and off. So to me this was just a little crush. I didn't think he felt the same way and I didn't want to.

So me and this guy were talking, he used to tell me very personal things, problems with his current/ex girlfriend, and basically asked me for advice which I did not hesitate to give, because he was my good friend.

One night me and my friends happened to bump into him and a few of his buddies at a local Tim Hortons. At this point, he was single. But I didn't think anything of it. So the night went on, we hung out, all of us together. Cruising around Woodbridge with an unknown destination. We had a good time, and at the time I remember him admitting to liking one of my close friends (which ofcourse is sort of a buzz kill because I did like him, but i was very secretive about it. I never told anyone) So that night ended with my close friend Natalie saying the exact words "You guys are sooo cute, he sooooooo like you!" and ofcourse me being the one in denial replying with a typical "Yeah ok Nat, he likes someone else." Little did I know what was going to happen in a few months..

From that night on we talked, I wasn't sure of his feelings for me because one night he asked me for advice on how to ask an older woman out. And ofcourse that crushed me! But then again, I wasn't falling head over heals for him yet, so it didn't hurt that bad.

So a few months later, I was at a club with a few of my friends. Ofcourse I had a little too much to drink, and i'm pretty sure everyone is familiar with the quote "drunken words are sober thoughts." We were text messaging eachother that night and I basically sent him a text saying "I LOVE YOU." After that night our feelings were both revealed. It turns out he had liked me, but it was a sort of on & off crush.

We hung out all the time, I would sneak out at late hours with him for a coffee, he would come pick me up at school, and all that stuff. The only problem was that he had a girlfriend still... Now i'm not one to homewreck anyone's relationship because I know I wouldn't like it if some girl did that to my relationship. So I made him choose. He had claimed that he didn't really like the girl and he was dating her out of pity- poor girl. Anyways a few days later they had a mutual break up, which left no hard feelings.

It was in the middle of December when he and I had shared our first kiss. It was a snowy day, and he had just brought me home from the mall. He walked me to my doorstep, his arms wrapped around my waist. I sort of knew what was going to happen at the moment, but for some reason I wasn't too excited. No butterflies, nothing. He then turned me around, looked into my eyes, and leaned forward. Our lips touched- but nothing more. He turned around and walked back to his car. I walked through the door in disgust, the kiss didn't really do much for me. I had no emotion whatsoever. I'm guessing it's because I hadn't fallen completely in love with him yet.

After that day we would basically see eachother almost everyday. We would grab a coffee and go park the car in a secluded area. At some points it did get a little steamy. A few hot-steamy make outs here and there, and long talks about literally nothing. I felt myself falling more and more for him everyday. I was scared but I thought, well because me and him could open up so easily and understand eachothers problems- I felt that it was okay to fall knowing he would catch me.

Much sooner, he met my family. As a friend ofcourse. My dad liked him. Suprisingly they had a lot in common, which is hard to believe because my dad is super hard to please, and I am daddies little girl so it's pretty awesome that a guy who I would potentially date could get along with my father that well. My mother gets along with everyone so she liked him as well. My brother loved him. My brother considered him "a brother he never had." I also met his family.. ofcourse as a friend. They were nice. I went to school with his sisters, so they knew me already. This guy was a triplet. 2 sisters and him. That family welcomed me like I was one of them and I felt really good about that. I was accepted. For the record, his name was Angelo.

Me and Angelo used to go out all the time. We used to go skating- although I didn't know how to skate which I was super embaressed about. But ofcourse, like any man would do, he tried to teach my how to skate. We spent a lot of time together, not to mention the long hours on the phone.

There was a lot of problems with his ex girlfriend who just happened to be in my grade and in my history class, who wasn't too fond of me being with Angelo. So there was a lot of conflict between me and her, and slowly me and Angelo worked past that.

I'll never forget January 30, 2009. That was the best night of my life. I decided to cook Angelo dinner. My father and brother had gone to a hockey tournament that weekend, and my mother had a friends birthday party. So I had the house to myself. I decided to make dinner for both me and Angelo. I went all out. I had my girls helping me all day. I had been planning this for about 3 weeks. From what I was going to serve as an appetizer down to where the cutlery goes beside the plates. I made literally a 7 course meal. For dessert, I made his favourite- blueberry cheesecake. The colour theme was red, white, and black. I had candles and a red rose on the table. It really was cute. So the night was finally here, the door bell rings and I open the door to see Angelo with a bunch of red roses in his hands. My heart nearly sank, I believe I was starting to fall in love with him. We ate, he loved the food, and the night went great. We went and lyed down on my bed. Nothing happened really, he decided to give me a massage. On my back he traced the words "Will you be my girlfriend." I'm not so bright so I had asked him to re-trace the words on my back atleast 6 times! When I finally got the message I looked up at him and responded with an immediate "yes." I was melting inside. About 30 emotions ran through my body and mind at once. I was happy, nervous, estatic, breathless, I couldn't even feel my legs.
At the end of the night, he left me with the biggest smile on my face and I can't even explain the amount of happiness and love I felt. The same night, at about 1:30 a.m. I called my mother screaming with happiness "He asked me out! He asked me out! We're dating mom!" She was happy for me.

After that night we spent almost every waking hour together. I was in love. I fell more and more in love everyday. I had actually fallen for him.

About 2 weeks in, we were at a party and his ex girlfriend was there. Little did I know that they were still talking and going for coffee behind my back. When I found out. I nearly lost my mind. I never usually snap on men, because it is a waste of time for me, but at this point I was so hurt, so enraged, and so sad that I blew up. He blew up and constantly appologized and regretted it. He cried to me saying he was sorry and just went crazy basically. That night I was so mad and hurt I didn't want to talk to him and just wanted to go home, which I did. That night I refused to answer his phone calls, text messages, etc. I went straight to bed. The next morning I found out that his father was coming over to fix my garage door. This was the day our parents met. Ofcourse Angelo came by to talk to me. So me and him went for coffee. He cried some more, and so did I. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me to just walk away. I wanted to be with him so bad, but he had hurt me so bad. I was caught between my heart and what the right thing was to do. I took him back only on the account for him to never speak to her again or pull a stunt like this ever again, which he had sworn to accomplish. From this point on my friends had completely lost respect for him, and began to hate him. So imagine what kind of a tie I was caught in. I love my friends but I love him. It was hard to have him around with my friends, when my girls did not like him one bit.

February 14th came around. One of the holidays I hate the most because I never have someone to spend this day with. This year was different I was going to spend it with Angelo. BUT there is a twist, it was my cousins 40th birthday. Which meant, Angelo was going to meet the family. He did, it went well they liked him a lot. That night after the birthday, we went out for valentines day. We went to a secluded romantic spot. It was under an arbor in the middle of Woodbridge. We had sparkling juice because ofcourse we weren't of age and also Angelo was the designated driver. So we shared the juice with 2 champagne glasses. I got him a giant heart shaped chocolate chip cookie that said "I love you" in pink icing. I wrote him a letter and he wrote me one along with a singing teddy bear and a box of chocolates. It was really cute. I couldn't believe this was actually happening to me. I was completely and totally in love with him.

Our birthdays are a day apart, so Angelo was born on February 26 and my birthday is February 27th. We spent our birthdays together at eachothers house. I got angelo a white-silver chain bracelet and ring, and he got me a white-gold bracelet with little ball charms.

We used to talk about getting married. We said that if we lasted 5-6 years we would get engaged and get married. It was a little plan that we wanted to work towards.

Towards the last week of February, the week of our birthdays we got into a car accident. Thank God we were ok, but unfortunately Angelo's Ford F150 wasn't in great condition. We survived through the worst, and if anything it made us stronger. That night still replays in my mind. The noise of the crash, and his insane screaming and freaking because of the accident. I remember everything from that night. The doors were caved in and Angelo having a sprained wrist, broke my door open for me, grabbed me out of the truck and held me tight. I was bawling my eyes out, I was going more crazy than he was. That night our mothers took us to the hospital together to make sure everything was okay. And thank God we were just fine. From that accident my love grew even stronger for him. I mean, we survived a car crash. We overcame a severe obstacle in our path and because of this I knew he was the one.

Now you're probably thinking what went wrong?

Well, Angelo didn't like the idea of me drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana. I did drink, at parties though. He didn't like me drinking because one of his family members had complications because of alcohol which scared him. I do have a confession though. I used to smoke behind his back and hide it from him. I really don't know why I did this. but I did, and I truly regret it to this day. He also didn't like the fact that I wanted to go out with my friends all the time only because he thought most of them were bad influences on me and brought bad onto me such as drinking and smoking. We got into a lot of fights because of this.

At one point, I went on vacation for march break with my school to Greece, Italy, and France for 10 days. It was the hardest time for both of us. We hadn't spend much time apart since we started dating and 10 days felt like forever. I missed him dearly and so did he. When I got back everything was back to normal and again we spent almost every waking moment together. I loved him.

About 2 months later, prom was around the corner. The week before prom we went on a break which lasted about 18 hours. We were going to try really hard to make this work. He lied, I lied and that is what lead us to our fights. A bit before prom I heard rumors going around that Angelo was going to leave me after prom. I confronted him about this and he assured me that it wasn't true and that he loved me. I believed that. After prom I happened to see a text message from this girl Josie in his phone. He had texted her saying "My girlfriend is going away for tonight ( I was going to my prom after party and he wasnt coming), I'm so happy, do you want to chill?" When I saw this I nearly had a heartattack. I kicked him out of my house and told him to never talk to me again. The next day was my brothers confirmation, and guess who shows up at my door step in a suit ready to go? Angelo, ofcourse. He stood there appologizing again. And again I forgave him. That day he finally made up his mind of what he wanted and he claimed he wanted "me." So once again I believed him.

A few months later we broke up, he said he had lost feelings and that a month break will help to retrieve these feelings so we could be together. Little did I know, he had feelings for this Josie girl. I was crushed. I was heartbroken. I lost the love of my life. My first love. I had lost him. That night I did the worst I could have ever done. I called up my girls for help and I drank, and I smoked. He found out the next day from someone and got even more mad. I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I did with that issue and to be honest I don't even know why I did this.

Bottom line; Now he is dating this girl Josie, and I miss him more than ever. I love him more than anything in this world. Everyday I wake up and every night i go to bed, he is the one thing on my mind. He was my first and I was hoping he would be my last. To this day I think about him and everything we had together. Even though he burned me, I can't seem to hate him. I want to be with him and if I could I would just run to him and tell him how I still feel and have him come back. But lets face it, if he's happy with this girl I guess I need to be happy for him. In my heart I have this feeling we will get back together. And to be honest, this is what I want. I want to just get up on my rooftop and scream how much I love him. There's nothing I wouldn't do for Angelo. I truly love him and one day when we meet again, I hope our love will be restored.


xoxo
Leah